


Not Happen A Third Time

by MickKreiger



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, London, M/M, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-08-05
Updated: 2013-01-24
Packaged: 2017-11-11 11:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/478286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MickKreiger/pseuds/MickKreiger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harbinger has underestimated Nathan Shepard not once, but twice and now that he's woken up in London after the attempt to trick him with the Catalyst, Shepard and his team will fight even harder to destroy the Reapers, and Nathan won't stop until they're gone and he can be at peace with Kaidan.<br/>M!Shenko slashtimes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never Been the Loudest

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I hereby declare my ownership of nada. I own nothing in this franchise. I own this little story, and that’s it. Well…I own copies of the games, but yeah. Everything is Bioware’s…shame. I imagine that if you’re not into gayness then you may wish to hit the back button now and save yourself from such content since there won’t be much point flaming me. You volunteered to read the thing if you choose to continue and I can’t be held responsible for you not liking the subject matter. 
> 
> Warnings: M/M material people, some explicitness. Swearing. 
> 
> A/N: I finally surrendered to the urge to write fan fiction instead of just reading it. I hope you do enjoy it. Leave me some nice reviews? That would be nice. This is my sort of head cannon of what happened. I refuse to acknowledge the idea that Shepard would just not call foul on the bullshit the Catalyst spouts. Plus, no harbinger dialogue? Da heck. My Shepard by the way: Nathan ‘Nate’ Shepard; Paragon War Hero Spacer Vanguard – well…mostly paragon.

Kaidan had never been the loudest of his supporters. Kaidan tended to be reasoned, he tended to be moral and honourable and he hadn’t been the one that would shout out his opinions unless it _really fucking mattered._ He had never been the loudest of them and he had never been the strongest of them, but he never really had to be. He had other squad mates for that, the loud support and encouragement and that meant that he didn’t need another one. He needed what Kaidan gave him; that simple feeling of being alive, of needing to win. The others – they made him want to win so that he wouldn’t have to feel the devastation of their loss; Ashley on Virmire, Mordin on Tuchanka, and Legion on Rannoch. They were just the tip of the iceberg. Those losses were among billions, trillions that the Reapers had been killing whilst they were gathering the resources and the armies. What Kaidan gave him, made him _need_ to win. If they lost this war he wouldn’t get to feel what he did when he was around Kaidan anymore.

               He couldn’t describe it; he could only feel it, experience it. It was less an emotion and more a fundamental force of _being._ It coursed through him like blood through his veins and he knew that like were he exsanguinated; the loss of feeling what Kaidan gave him would kill him. He couldn’t bloody lose. He didn’t lose on Tuchanka, he didn’t lose on Rannoch, or on the Citadel. He would not lose on Earth because he had to get back to Kaidan. He had to feel what he had felt that night before the assault on Cerberus. He could recount the experience with perfect detail; he could feel those memories still.

 

               _He had been working late which was not exactly rare lately. Sleep was coming a lot harder than it used to, especially because of those damned nightmares. They had never troubled him before this and he had seen some pretty horrific things in his travels across the galaxy. Ashley mentioned that she had trouble sleeping after Feros and the Thorian Creepers and of course the Thorian itself and that had barely bothered Shepard at all, but yet, that kid. He was haunting Shepard. It seemed odd though; the really vivid ones only seemed to happen after being close to the Reapers again - Probably just because it was a reminder of the tragedy that he had seen on Earth. That would explain it. He looked over the numbers of the datapad – they were listing the so called ‘war assets’ that he had acquired. Specialist Traynor made sure that they all had numbers next to them to list their relative strength, according to her strange system of numbering and then factoring Galactic Readiness as she had put it at one point – he still didn’t quite understand that – his forces stood at nearly 5000, which she said was excellent. Somehow, that didn’t really comfort him. The entire Turian military was barely holding together – how could this force be that much greater?_

_He sighed roughly and walked towards his cabin door, he needed…he would have said air were he on a planet, he just needed to be in a larger space than this. Perhaps he would go to Life Support, no one went in there and there was usually a little breeze from the system, but he had a visitor apparently. His door was opening. He looked up._

_“Kaidan?” He asked as he saw the Major stepping out of the elevator with a bottle of something in his hand. Was that the TM-88 that he had given him in the hospital?_

_“Just a quick drink, Shepard, you look like you could use it,” He said without force or insistence and yet it was indescribably there. He didn’t want to argue. Maybe that was why it felt like Kaidan had even without trying persuaded him. He followed the Major back towards his couch._

_“You know…we are alone here, you don’t have to call me Shepard,” He replied as he sat down. It seemed that no one ever really called him by his first name anymore. He felt like he might as well drop it completely sometimes. Or change his first name to Commander. He was sure the Turians would enjoy that, given their sense of duty. Or they would, if they weren’t being decimated._

_“Alright then, Nathan,” Kaidan replied. Nathan smirked in response – something that was also becoming rarer. He didn’t smile much anymore – how could he? Why would you smile when everything around you was going FUBAR? There wasn’t much left to smile about. Kaidan was his lone exception, his lone weak spot when it came to this wall of seriousness that he had built to keep himself from cracking in this godforsaken war._

_“Mmm…you can call me Nate if you want,” Nathan answered, “Also, I think you mentioned actually drinking.” God knew that he could use it. He didn’t drink often but sometimes during this war, he felt like he needed to just say screw it and drink himself into a glorious drunkenness that would allow him just to stop being Commander Nathan Shepard, Vanguard, Curer of Genophages, Settler of Quarians and Geth, and just be Nate Shepard, 32 year old human in a galaxy at war and lover of Kaidan Alenko. Tonight, with Kaidan here, seemed like a good night to do that._

_Kaidan chuckled that adorable chuckle and opened the bottle. Nate looked at the bottle now that he had the chance. He was right, it was the Peruvian Whiskey._

_“I didn’t think you would have kept that,” Nate commented as Kaidan filled two glasses sitting on the table in front of them, he hadn’t even noticed that Kaidan had lifted them from the counter next to his computer where he kept them._

_“I did say that we could drink it later…plus, you gave it to me. I wanted to drink it with_ you, _” He replied with what seemed to be a little blush developing on those lovely cheeks of his. Nate chuckled; he refused to admit to anyone that he giggled. He would deny it. EDI on the other hand, probably wouldn’t. That reminded him, he better say it to her now, before he got too drunk to remember._

_“EDI?” He asked into the room, drawing Kaidan’s attention. He was probably wondering why he was asking for the AI. For a moment anyway, realisation dawned on his face a moment later. EDI was as Liara had put it; a ‘blabbermouth’._

_“Yes, Shepard?” She asked in her oddly human inquisitive tone. It was getting more human since she had taken Dr Core’s body and she had been growing closer to Joker._

_“Can you stop…listening and watching and whatever in here?” He asked somewhat unsurely. He had never really asked her to do that before. Well, only once really. Kaidan had been just too appealing that night._

_“As you wish Commander,” She replied with her amused voice. He could have sworn that were the Robot body in front of him she would have winked as she spoke the word Commander._

_Kaidan laughed again, that beautiful laugh. Nathan didn’t enjoy much to the degree that he enjoyed Kaidan’s laughter. It made him think that this wasn’t entirely hopeless. That he wasn’t actually doing too bad at the whole…you know, boyfriend thing. It wasn’t something that he had really done before. As a spacer he hadn’t really gotten too attached to the people that he was on board with since he usually left them after a year or so anyway and then as part of the Alliance there had been rules and regulations. Then it had been pining after Kaidan for the last three years._

_“I wish we had an ‘EDI off’ button sometimes,” Nathan moaned._

_“Oh but then you’d miss the fun of ‘as you wish, Commander,’” Kaidan countered with another amused sip of the Whiskey he’d poured. Nathan took a drink of it as well – it was alright. Not strong enough to be really good, but not cheap enough to be really shitty._

_They drank the glasses of Whiskey and they shared some of idle conversation which he had to admit was making him feel better than he had in a long time. He supposed that everyone else on the ship was doing something similar._

_“What’s everyone else up to at the moment? I’ve always been curious about how they prepare for this…probable suicide run,” He asked Kaidan._

_“Tali slipped into the Gun Battery with Garrus. Adams said that he was on his way to the med-bay after Ken and Gabby mysteriously vanished. Liara’s on a call to Feron. I’m pretty sure Cortez and Vega were doing something in the Lounge…it sounded like their voices I heard in there….and that’s all I actually know,” Kaidan replied. Nathan could have laughed. It seemed like the people on the Normandy naturally paired off with each other. All it seemed, except for Javik. He wondered if it was lonely down there but with the alcohol starting to work and Kaidan’s company around, he wasn’t that interested in the life of the last Prothean at the moment._

_He leaned towards Kaidan a little more, couldn’t resist it any longer. He wanted to be close to the other man. He wanted to touch him, and breathe him in and not let him go. There was something about Kaidan to Nathan. It was as if Kaidan had a gravitational pull and Nathan was his satellite. He couldn’t bear to be too far away from the Sentinel._

_“Kaidan…” Shepard murmured as his head came closer to Kaidan’s shoulder, his mouth kissing the clothed shoulder, his nose breathing in the unique scent of Kaidan, and his skin tingling at the feeling of the collision of two biotically active beings. Of course the way in which they were biotically active were as opposite as night and day. Kaidan being trained in the art of control and of defence and Nathan with his torrents of offensive energies blasting outwards in the field._

_“I lied, I’m not here for a quick drink,” Kaidan said almost apologetically, “It’s just after this we go straight to Earth and I don’t want to…spend my last night of peace without you. I can’t…” Kaidan was going to go on, but Nathan slipped his mouth over his lover’s._

_“You don’t have to convince me…I wasn’t going to kick you out. I’ve been glad of this. Of you. I love that about you, you know what I need.” He answered, pulling Kaidan up to kiss him._

_Kisses with Kaidan were strange. Uniquely blissful. The meeting of two people who were trained so differently. Kaidan’s powers strictly regimented and defensive, his mouth allowed in the torrents of Nathan’s raw power – undisciplined and wild and strangely enough it worked together as their tongues fell into an almost natural rhythm with Nathan’s taking the control and doing the work and Kaidan’s responding exactly as Nathan needed to feel great even if Nathan didn’t know that’s what he wanted at that moment. It was like how they fought now when they were together in battle – in a rhythm that just was uniquely theirs. Others had mentioned it on occasion – Garrus often whined that with them he wasn’t getting enough kills because ‘they kept stealing them’._

_These kisses though, they grew in intensity, in passion as both of them started releasing everything that they had. They could die after this. They could have died long before this. They knew it, everyone knew it. The battle at Earth was going to be hell come to say hello and they knew that not all of them were going to make it. That was what flowed between them. That desperation to hold on, to cling, to never let go until they were pried apart from the other’s cold dead hands and even then fight like hell to stay there. They pushed at each other, the boundaries between them coming apart, and these were just kisses. Desperate, hungry kisses, but they needed more than just those. It was Nathan who moved first, just as he always did. His hands ripping at the clothing that his Kaidan was wearing, getting them off. Kaidan’s shirt came off first exposing the lovely muscled chest underneath. It was something they shared, especially now that they had been in heavy action for a while. Nathan had lost it for a while whilst they had him under house arrest but he had gotten it back quickly. He felt his own shirt coming off and he pushed at Kaidan’s trousers, pushing them down, as far as he could get without detaching himself from Kaidan, but they needed air._

_They came apart to get their trousers off, the Alliance standard issue black boxers were all that were left as their breathing became heavier, both from the arousal of this and from the lack of breathing with the frenzied kissing. One barrier left, as they kissed again feeling each other rubbing against them. Similar height meant that as they ground their hips together, the two erections rubbed at each other through their clothing. Kaidan slipped his hands down, slipping them across Nathan’s erection. He groaned at the feeling, Kaidan moving his hands back up to head to the waistband. Not yet, they were still standing. Nathan was the one nearer the bed and almost reading his mind, Kaidan pushed him a little, and he fell back onto the bed, moving further up it so that they wouldn’t end up with their legs half off the bed. If this was the last chance they had, it would be fucking good._

_Kaidan climbed on to the bed after him, almost chasing him like a predator and its prey. Catching him, Kaidan claimed the reward of Nathan’s lips again as he pulled at his boxers. Nathan didn’t resist this time, and off of him they started to come and when one of them had to move Kaidan moved his mouth down and down, a trail of kisses following him wherever he went and that was steadily moving southwards past his nipples, getting past his belly button and now he was close, oh so close. He could feel Kaidan’s chin and neck over him. His legs split further apart in anticipation of Kaidan’s mouth being between them. He was not resting in anticipation long before Kaidan engulfed him. Warmth and wetness and Kaidan’s…unique Kaidanness, Nathan Shepard would not have minded if the Reapers came and vaporised them at that second because it didn’t matter with how he was feeling and he knew that it would only get better. Kaidan’s mouth was the most talented mouth he had ever felt. Not that he had many to compare on, but that paled in comparison to being in him. Being truly in him. There was no pleasure greater, although the Asari might try to allure the other species in, might try and convince them that_ they _were the Goddesses of Pleasure that many though them to be, Nathan was left unconvinced because he had experienced Kaidan and he was better than they were._

_Kaidan’s rhythm was almost teasingly slow, it was just fast enough. Just. If he slowed even a fraction, he’d reduce his lover; the famous Commander Shepard to a quivering and begging mass that would do anything that Kaidan said to get him to go just that little bit faster and Kaidan probably knew it from the way that his lover whined and moaned but that was not what tonight was about. Tonight wasn’t about teasing, it was about being together, being one for the brief time that they could be. It wasn’t going to be much longer before they would likely be torn apart by this war._

_He moved back up again, after all, they didn’t want to stay at this moment forever; they wanted to be stuck in a moment later on when they were joined – when they were together wholly. Kaidan let Nathan flip them. Nathan was on top for this bit because he wanted to be staring into Kaidan’s eyes, he wouldn’t stop looking into them except for when their lips clashed together again and again drowing out the moans of “Fuck Kaidan…just so,” and “Oh God, Na-Nate..” until that moment where they couldn’t kiss because they couldn’t stay silent: that moment of completion where a cry of “Kaidan” mirrored a cry of “Nate”._

The cry of Kaidan’s bliss still rang in his ears and that was why as he looked at…this…child, ghost thing. He would not take what it said. His options weren’t going to let him back to that man, wouldn’t let him hear another cry of his first name. He wasn’t going to let this fucking kid tell him that he couldn’t go back to Kaidan and stop the Reapers.

“Bullshit,” Shepard replied to the Catalyst kid when it stopped talking for a moment. “You just told me you made them, you’re in charge. Well if that’s the case, why don’t _you_ go all ‘control’ and tell them to fucking stop or whatever?” His tone was pretty damn angry for someone with a massive gun wound. Also, how the fuck did he get that? Anderson was the one that got shot. There was something wrong here. The child’s mouth moved. He wasn’t quite sure what it said, or if it even spoke out loud.

               The child in question turned away from Shepard and a flash of irritation crossed it’s perfectly neutral face.

“It seems I underestimated you,” It said, it’s voice suddenly less ghostly and less boy like. It was a familiar voice to Shepard now. Harbinger. He knew that it couldn’t have believed that he had died after his attack when they had been racing to the transporter beam thing. The child faded away, to be replaced by the appearance of the eldest Reaper.

“I think that makes that twice you’ve done that,” Shepard snorted.

“It will not happen a third time.” Harbinger responded as the room began to fade to black.

“Yeah, cause I’ll destroy you, all of you before you can,” Shepard answered with his trademark fierce determination before the blackness overtook him completely and he fell into what felt like unconsciousness…or maybe that was him starting to wake up.


	2. Waking Up In London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up in London after Harbinger's trick and making plans, with a little Kaidan/Shep moment in there for good measure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only hope that I do the rest of the games justice here. I hope you enjoy reading my efforts~ Note that there might be certain past events mentioned that may seem strange, I’m planning after this is done to go back and write everything beforehand from ME1 up until this point. Yes, I’m aware that sounds probably insane – but I was never the most ordered of people. The plan for this fic will be talked about at the end.

Soft…he was surrounded by soft…but what? Where was he? The last he recalled he was speaking to Harbinger who was assuring him that he wouldn’t be underestimated a third time after the whole stupid Catalyst business. Honestly, as if he was expected to believe that the only methods by which the reapers could be destroyed were either by the suggestions of the Illusive Man or Saren or by committing mass genocide. Options presented by someone who claimed to be more powerful than they – i.e. their creator. That was irrational and he knew at that point that something was horribly wrong. Harbinger trying to trick him was certainly something unexpected. Indoctrinate him maybe, he did certainly spend enough time around Reaper tech, but actively trick him? He groaned lightly as his eyes begun to flutter open and shut.

               He examined his surroundings: the interior of a ruined building, the sounds of guns being fired and of Reapers and their creatures. He was in London. How had he gotten here? He wasn’t sure where his dream had begun from his actual life. He didn’t remember going to sleep. Did something happen to him en route? If he had been forced into unconsciousness by something like an impact from a Harvester or the like that could perhaps explain the confusion. They often left a little amnesia of the events before. He couldn’t remember some of the events just before crashing on the Collector Base after he had been knocked out for a few seconds. Standing hadn’t been a good idea, he had realised about that crash after the fact. Looking up, a worried asari face looked back down at him – the familiar eyes widening upon realising that the person she was looking at was indeed conscious.

“Shepard!” Liara exclaimed, almost sounding surprised before calling out that he was awake.

               Nathan groaned and rubbed his eyes, still feeling a little groggy. Whatever that had been was not sleep, or at least it had not been natural sleep. When he woke from that he was always ready to go – had become like that as a result of being a marine for years. When you could be woken for any reason at any time it helped to become able to wake up immediately – if you were tired when you woke up you ignored it. If you rested your eyes for a moment you could lose your life. Although, sometimes he woke up like this after Kaidan had been around. Kaidan tended to wear him out in the most pleasurable of ways but he couldn’t dwell on those thoughts.

“What…what happened to me?” He asked quickly, his voice showing that he was indeed awake and alert to Liara.

“We are not sure Commander, as we came closer to Conduit you simply fell to the ground. At first we had worried you had been hit but an examination showed no wounds of any kind – well, not that we didn’t already know about. After that, we had the fleets and Crucible retreat for now – we couldn’t risk pushing forward without you. The Normandy remains in the system allowing for a call whenever we are ready, but the fleets are having to travel very quickly through the relays so that the Reapers cannot follow them,” Liara explained, giving a fuller status report than he had expected from her, although given that Liara liked to have as much information as possible – something that being the Shadow Broker had made her better at, he knew that he shouldn’t have been surprised.

               He wondered about other things, other people – specifically one human major whose arms he would rather have liked to have woken up in instead of this bed. Not that he minded Liara’s presence but he would rather have Kaidan with him. The look in his eyes must have told her that because she spoke again.

“He is outside, defending the building along with the others – we had no medical personnel particularly close to us so I remained inside with you to monitor you in the meantime, I will fetch him,” and with her words complete, Liara exited the ruined room, he could see her in the corridor that the room entered into. From looking at a ruined wall he could also tell that they were up a level. That was good, that meant that they had less to guard since they wouldn’t even have to hold the floor below if they didn’t have the power to do so since they could merely hold the stairs. Although that presented a problem had the enemy come with heavier weaponry. Perhaps this was not where they had originally holed up. Nathan didn’t know anything beyond what Liara had told him and he didn’t like that. Nathan liked to be in charge, liked to know everything that was going on and what the next steps where. His mind was already formulating plans. Anderson was likely nearby assuming that they had not already reached his base camp before this incident. He couldn’t be sure what was actually real and what was not. Given that the enemy now knew they were here and what they were seemingly planning, Nathan wondered if they would move the Conduit again. Keeping it where it was seemed unlikely given that they knew that everyone was keeping it there and it wasn’t as if it was difficult for them to move it. They held all the ground they cared to have – the remaining Alliance forces only held out in scattered pockets where they had managed to defend themselves. He surmised that they were likely going to be remaining on Earth for a while before they could get to the Conduit again.

               His thoughts were interrupted by a soft masculine voice speaking to him.

“Nathan,” Kaidan murmured closing the distance between himself and his lover in order to put those arms around him again. Nathan sighed in relief, he was back with Kaidan – there was no danger of him being dead at this time – like there had been in the dream? Vision? He was unsure of what it was, but what he did know was that Kaidan had been close to him in that push to the Conduit and he hadn’t seen what had happened to him after Harbinger’s slug had hit. Of course, that didn’t matter that much anyway given that everything after that had been extraordinarily strange. Could that have been when the dream took over? He was unsure. For now though, he allowed momentary relaxation in the Major’s arms – those safe arms. He wasn’t sure how it was that even in London surrounded by Reaper forces and the possibility of galactic annihilation that the Major’s arms could make him feel so safe. Maybe it was the memories that he had accrued over the years of feeling like that in the Major’s tight embrace.

“Kaidan,” He replied, feeling unable to say anything more than simply his lover’s name for that moment but he knew that there were things that he had to ask, “I need to know, when exactly did I lose consciousness – I need to sort the reality and the dream so I can plan our next moves.”

               Kaidan pulled out of the embrace to give him an odd look, probably curious about the dream that he had – but then the look shifted to one that Nathan was honoured to feel was admiration that he already was back from this and ready to work with him to get that bigger boot ready to kick.

“We were charging towards the beam to the Citadel, the Reaper that’s spoken to you before – Harbinger? – fired its cannon and it was after that. When I saw you…” Kaidan’s voice broke off after that and when Nathan looked at him he could see sparkles in Kaidan’s eyes. Kaidan was nearly crying, just holding the tears back from spilling out of his eyes. The commander’s heart broke for his lover, he couldn’t bear to see Kaidan like that. He kissed the Major.

               This one was more tender than the usual hungry, this could be my last day, kisses that they shared when the other was overcome with emotion, this one was to reassure his Major that he was here, that he was alive and that no matter what the danger of the situation they were in now, they would come back to each other, although Shepard’s faith in that had dipped a little because Kaidan could have been dead in his fantasy and the options that the stupid kid had presented to him there were all presumably fatal – except perhaps the destruction option. There were problems in the way that it had been explained and one could only deduce that the reason for that was that the kid was simply trying to make it sound unappealing because it was the option that would have resulted in their death but these thoughts had been squashed underneath the feeling of his lover’s tongue caressing his own and the Major’s arms crushing him so tightly. He could tell that part of Kaidan simply didn’t want to let him go, perhaps ever again so that if Shepard went, then his lover would go with him. He allowed the kiss to end, but leaned his forehead in so that their heads were still in contact. A tender moment, one that he hoped was vaguely private.

“Kaidan, I’m here, still here.” He reassured the other, his right hand stroking the tears that had spilled over during the kiss away from Kaidan’s eye, “I won’t leave you again, if we die, we’re dying together. That’s an order.”

“You can’t really order me, technically I outrank you,” Kaidan’s response gladdened Nathan’s heart, letting him know that Kaidan was okay again. A sigh of relief escaped him, Kaidan was better. He didn’t care how he was really, he just cared that Kaidan was alright, that Kaidan wasn’t going to cry. If Kaidan cried, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Kaidan meant so much to him that even seeing him in the slightest pain was bad enough. The migraines for instance, there had been nights when he had lain in Shepard’s bed and Shepard had been told by EDI that his heart rate was dangerously high but he hadn’t cared about that, all he had cared about was the major that had been lying on his bed.

“Shh, don’t distract me with your logic,” Nathan replied almost playfully. He wondered if they were sane, making these flirtatious jokes on a battlefield, he sighed again, he knew that he had to ask more, “So where’s the Citadel access now? – has it been moved?” He asked.

“Anderson reported that it had been moved north, a unit from Glasgow managed to get into contact with him; it’s up there,” Kaidan answered. Glasgow. That was several hundred miles away, up in the centre of Scotland and they had likely fortified it more than they had before.

“So how are we moving the troops to Scotland?” Nathan asked himself aloud. He wouldn’t be able to plan his next move until he knew more about the situation between here and the border and also the status of the vehicle to troop ratio. These were all things that Anderson would know – they were going to have to fight their way back to his camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 would be done. My plan for Chapter 3 is the move to Anderson’s camp and from then on battles to Glasgow [yes…the Scottish writer moving the story to Scotland, sue me. Actually please don’t.] and then through into the Citadel and then we move into my own personal ending writing – with the odd site bit for more Kaidan/Shepard times. My rating will be deserved haha. I have no plan for how long this will be, I’m more of a spontaneous writer than a planner. I will try to write this more quickly than the gap between the first chapter and this but no promises, I procrastinate like nothing on Earth. 
> 
> If you see phrases that you find odd, remember, I plan to write the stuff that came before this in a fic after this. 


	3. Loving in a London Riot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard and Kaidan spend some time together, not wanting to wait until they get to Anderson's Camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I may have lied about getting to Anderson’s in this chapter. It wasn’t originally going to end in smuttimes…but I was writing and it just…kinda went in that direction. Switched to Kaidan’s perspective in this chapter as well; it simply seemed…I don’t know.

“So how are we moving troops to Scotland?” Nate had asked, and Kaidan had smiled in response to that. There was just something about their leader that made Kaidan feel perpetually safe; even in the battleground hellhole that they were currently in. That determination to get on with the job in hand showed Kaidan that his lover was fine, he was raring to go again. Although if that was a question that he was asking of the other, Kaidan had to admit that he had no advice. Anderson was the only person that would have any idea of how to get their troops to the northern half of the UK.   
“We have to get to Anderson,” Nate finally spoke again as if he was in Kaidan’s mind, although Kaidan knew that it was just because his lover was smart and would have immediately come to the best possible conclusion and that was indeed to get to Anderson. Kaidan nodded once in response, but he wasn’t sure that the Commander would be up to fighting through the streets of London to get back to the temporary camp that Anderson had set up – if it was that it hadn’t been moved by this point. Anderson had said when Shepard had fainted that he might not be able to stay at the camp.  
“Why aren’t we with Anderson anyway?” Shepard asked suddenly, drawing Kaidan back from the thoughts that he had been having. Of course, Nate would ask that. It was a fairly obvious question to ask.  
“When you….went down, we weren’t sure how bad it was, we took you in here to defend you, but then you were unconscious…and Liara and EDI thought it would be better not to move you in case…” Kaidan trailed off, he didn’t want to think about what could have happened if they had moved him much beyond that – moving him at all had been a risk, but a building was easier to defend than open ground and Nate had been under a few hours. At least this way, Liara had been able to monitor him – only the basics, what she could use her omni-tool for. She had been able to determine much, but not really what had happened to him. Kaidan worried that it could happen to him again and if it happened again, what if it was worse? What if…what if he lost Nathan again? Losing him the first time had broken his soul apart, and his love had only recently put him back together again. 

He looked at Nathan; he was thinking again, most likely determining what he wanted to do next with that information.  
“I think, I should be fine now,” He said after a few moments, “I don’t think Harbinger will try that trick again.”   
“What?” Kaidan asked; it was reasonable that Harbinger had done something to Shepard when they had been as close as they were to him, but what had the Reaper done to Nathan exactly? Had they been communicating when he was unconscious. There were so many possibilities given the technology that he had seen with his love so far from the Reapers – Dragon’s Teeth, the Geth AI upgrades, the Reapers themselves. Their technology was so far advanced beyond every other sapient species’ that Kaidan couldn’t rule anything out – except indoctrination. He refused with every fibre of his being to believe that Shepard could succumb to that. He was too strong for that.  
“They…put me in some kind of dream…tried to trick me…don’t know what for, maybe to kill me?” He answered questioningly. 

Kaidan put his hand on Nathan’s chest feeling the strong heartbeat there, feeling the beat that kept Nathan alive, kept him going.   
“Well you didn’t let them, you came back to me,” Kaidan said assuredly. This was real, Shepard was real and there was no denying of that and he was going to make sure that nothing would change that. Harbinger stood no chance now.   
“Yeah, you were what got me through it,” Nathan replied, and Kaidan felt a push on the back of his head as his face was drawn to Shepard’s and his mouth instinctively opened, Nathan was going to kiss him.

He loved kissing the Vanguard; his tongue was just so demanding that Kaidan had to comply with the demands it presented to him, his tongue being like him – the Sentinel would submit and take orders from the natural warrior. That primal energy came to his focused discipline and tore it apart like Shepard did to any enemy that stood in his path. Shepard was like an infinite force, there was no resistance that couldn’t just be swept out of his path. Kaidan admired that about him, nothing stopped Shepard from getting what he wanted; when they had met on Horizon and Shepard had spoken to him for the first time since he had come back from the dead and Kaidan had been ready to stand and not go with him on that crazy crusade against the Collectors, Shepard had managed to convince him and he was glad of that. When they had been going to put Kaidan on trial alongside Shepard for colluding with Cerberus, Shepard had managed to talk them out of it and seemingly managed to talk about him so well that they had promoted the then Staff Commander to Major, although that didn’t really matter since the Reapers had hit not a month after that. He surrendered as usual with protest or fight of any kind to the tongue in his mouth. He let himself lean over with more of his body even though he knew he shouldn’t. This was dangerous, everyone else was just outside and there were Reaper forces around at all times, Kaidan knew that he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t stop himself – he needed to kiss Nathan, needed to be with him. 

He broke the kiss when he felt his vision starting to blur from his brain’s protests about not having oxygen. He was breathing heavy and so was Nathan, unlike their last kiss that had been tender that had been…he wasn’t even sure he had the words to describe what that had been beyond wonderful, amazing. Now though, such a kiss presented a problem. Kaidan felt that his trousers had tightened on him. He wouldn’t do anything about that, though. Turned on as he was, they had things to do and number one was that he had to get to Anderson. Sex could come after they had saved the galaxy again.   
“You should get ready, if we’re gonna move…” Kaidan trailed off, there was part of him that didn’t want to go just yet, that just wanted to say “fuck it” and take the time they needed to be with each other, and the risks of people seeing, hearing or being killed be damned. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Nathan to feel the same.  
“Kaidan…” Nathan replied, and Kaidan could tell from the lower pitch and almost pleading tone that Nathan did indeed feel the same as he did.  
“If we have time at Anderson’s…” Kaidan promised. Anderson’s camp had been kind of full of people doing the exact same thing. Sleeping with each other at a moment’s notice – they had been all preparing for a mission where they could never come back from so that had made sense. He was sure that in moving the troops they’d have time for a moment with each other to…be intimate again. He did love it when they could do that. Nathan was his first man, and Nathan was…the best man he had ever been with. He was so talented, Kaidan could almost drool thinking about it but he had to keep his composure to stop that little part inside of him from growing.  
“Anderson’s.” Shepard answered with conviction. He was going to hold Kaidan to that, Kaidan knew. “Where’s my armour, by the way?” He asked. 

Kaidan pointed to a small pile of black and pile that was neatly sitting on a table, waiting for its owner to put it back on again. Kaidan remembered Nathan telling him that the first thing that he had done when he had gotten his armour from Cerberus was to have the colour changed since it wasn’t a big deal for them what colours he wore. The Alliance hadn’t made him change it back for obvious reasons, by the time he was technically active and able to wear it again, the Reapers had invaded. It wasn’t looking its best just now given how close Shepard had been to the blast zone from Harbinger’s weapon. When Liara had been in the room, though she had said that she would repair it as best she could with what she had available to her. It hadn’t been much but it had made the armour function at least, and Nathan could power the barriers himself – stronger than most people’s. He remembered they had sparred and Nate had challenged him to lower his barriers with Kaidan’s own biotics. It had taken him a while and the launching of six warps in quick succession and Kaidan was a strong biotic – one of the Alliance’s most powerful, he knew.   
“You’re gonna need it, fighting’s fierce out there,” Kaidan replied, not knowing really what to say, “I’ll bring it across to you.” He rose to get it.  
“No…not yet,” Nathan replied quickly, arm reaching out to grab Kaidan and pull him back to the bed, “…Can’t wait for Anderson’s.” 

Kaidan didn’t really have time to react, he was pulled onto the bed and looking into Nate’s crystalline blue eyes - with the odd tiny speck of crimson from the Cerberus implants that had brought him back from the read – there was pleading in them, pleading for Kaidan not to wait and Kaidan couldn’t resist that. He could never have stood up to that pleading expression – the very one that the Commander had used to bring Kaidan back to his side when they had met on Horizon. Kaidan figured that for anyone else, he could have held his nerve but the man he loved could play with his heartstrings like they were a guitar and have Kaidan make any kind of music that he wanted him to. Kaidan slammed his lips to Nate’s, climbing onto the bed with him, lying on top of him. Nate was warm – always warm. His eyes fluttered shut as the kiss went on. He wasn’t going to resist Shepard…he couldn’t wait for Anderson’s either.   
“Have to…be quick,” Kaidan murmured in the quick breaks between kisses where vital oxygen was replenished in their lungs to fuel more kisses. Kisses that were as essential for living at that moment as a beating heart. Kaidan felt that were they pulled apart at that moment, they would both surely expire, not able to take the loss of feeling. Shepard didn’t really seem to acknowledge the comment.

Hands were trailing down his back as the kisses deepened further as they passed that point – that point where neither was able to stop anymore, not until the passion had run its course and they had sated their appetite for each other. Nothing would stop them, barring the most extreme of circumstances – Kaidan knew this well; James had interrupted them one night and they hadn’t even registered that he was there. He only knew that that had happened after James had been blushing every time he saw them until Nathan forced the reason for that out of him. Then it had been Kaidan’s turn to blush. Nathan didn’t. He was never embarrassed, he had made open declarations of love to Kaidan when the crew had been around and despite Garrus’ teasing, Shepard had no regrets of the action. Those hands massaged skin as they went approaching Kaidan’s ass.   
“Mine,” Shepard spoke, his voice firm. That was the thing about loving Shepard. Once he had you, you were his and he would hold on to you as firmly as he could, letting nothing take you from him. Even his death hadn’t broken that for Kaidan. The two years without him, he hadn’t stopped being Shepard’s.   
“Yours,” was all Kaidan managed to get out between the moments when Shepard was dominating his mouth. 

The few moments that followed were almost a blur as Nathan removed Kaidan’s clothing as quickly as he could; getting his lover naked before him and then time seemed to freeze as Nathan looked upon him, those azure eyes filled with an expression that embarrassed Kaidan to no end. Nathan described this action as worshipping Kaidan’s body and thanking every deity that he knew that he could have this man as his lover. Nathan’s lips touched his body again – not at his lips this time, but just at the hollow of his neck, a spot that could drive Kaidan to insanity when Nathan played with it as expertly as he did.   
“Don’t tease,” Kaidan pleaded with his lover – not that he didn’t enjoy it, but if they were going to do this here and now. It really needed to be fast before developments forced them to move. There was only so long they could bunker in inside a building and they were pushing it. Reaper forces converged on any inhabited building within a day or two, and they had been here long enough for that to start happening.

“Can’t help myself,” Nate replied, the smirk on his lips not having to be visible for Kaidan to know that it was there. He could feel it against his chest as Nathan started licking his way down his lover’s body, pushing him to lean back so that he could get access to it from his sitting position “So irresistible, Kaidan.” Kaidan could have laughed, that was the same as his thoughts towards Nathan, no one could resist him. Alliance Brass, The Council, hell even Aria T’loak enjoyed his company on the few occasions they had met. Kaidan gasped, in that moment of thought Shepard had reached his goal on his southward travels, and his lips were now on Kaidan’s cock. Looking down at that sight made it twitch in Shepard’s warm mouth. Shepard had lips made for it, perpetually soft and the inside of his mouth was just so…warm, so tight and Nathan was well trained in pleasing Kaidan – they had been together for three years – since the Original Normandy, since the days of fighting Saren and Nathan had made sure that he could please Kaidan well – taking as much time to practice as he could. 

Shepard smiled around Kaidan when he made him make loud gasps. He was trying to be quiet as well, so Kaidan knew that he would think of every sound that he got his love to make to be a victory. Nathan sort of viewed life as a battle, everything could be won by tactics and his skills. Kaidan couldn’t disagree with him - what Commander Nathan Shepard wanted, he got no matter the level of protest or people telling him that it couldn’t be done and what he wanted right now was for Kaidan to make noise as he was sucked off.   
“Na-Nate,” Kaidan let out; the warmth was too much and his lover too talented, Kaidan could never last long when Nathan was like this, and he was like this a lot. The specific hitch was almost a code – a warning to Shepard since he let out his name every time he was almost there. Shepard let it out of his mouth and Kaidan whined; the loss of the warmth almost like a blow against him.

Hands pressed at his shoulders, Nathan wanted the favour returned – Kaidan could guess why. It wasn’t like they kept lube on them in the middle of the battlefield. They had kept a small container once in Nate’s armour but it had proven to be more trouble than it was worth to get it in a bit that wouldn’t be easily shot.   
“Wan’chur mouth…” Nathan muttered as Kaidan let himself be pushed downwards, his mouth going towards Shepard’s lap. He wasn’t as talented as sucking as Nathan himself was, but Kaidan liked that he could still make Shepard go a little bit crazy when he was, so he eagerly moved quicker getting humanity’s hero inside his mouth. Nathan was bigger than most, being somewhere between nine and ten inches in length, long enough that Kaidan had had to practice for a while to be able to take all of but now he could whenever he wanted and he would use that now. He opened his throat as the cock slipped to the back of his throat so that he could get it all inside of him.

Shepard moaned - a low sound coming from deep in his own throat, the vibrations from it running through his entire body. Kaidan knew that if he moaned around the cock in his mouth that drove Shepard even wilder and so that was exactly what he did, using the deepness of his own voice to make sure that the vibrations went along Nate’s length, as he caressed the underside with his tongue. His fingers were also used, to teasingly touch and rub his lover’s balls; gentle strokes and caresses to give sensation to them as well. A triple threat to Shepard’s control over himself – the noise that was the response to that was louder, almost a yell, muffled Kaidan guessed by Nathan flinging his arm in front of his mouth as quickly as possible – it wouldn’t do to bring a teammate in to check if something was the matter – although they all probably could guess what was happening inside the room. They weren’t stupid after all.   
“…Want to be inside,” Nathan whined out, managing to hold off any more moans or screams for a moment. 

With those words, Kaidan stopped immediately – the promised feeling too much to resist. Shepard was as talented at topping Kaidan as he was at blowing Kaidan, better than any other lover that he had ever had – although to be fair, that was only a couple of teenage experiments with some of the other Brain Camp kids – no one had really been experienced. He let himself be flipped by Shepard to put them in a better position for what was to follow. Shepard trailing his hands down the front of Kaidan’s body stroking quickly over his cock before slipping below his legs to lift them up to balance on Shepard’s strong shoulders so that he had access to that area – Kaidan’s entrance. Nate had told him once that he was always tempted to skip prepping Kaidan or watching Kaidan prep himself but he couldn’t bear the thought of causing Kaidan any kind of pain in this…their joining together.   
“You or me?” Kaidan sighed out the question, his fingers close to his mouth in anticipation. He watched Nathan consider it for a moment before he answered “You,” which caused the fingers that were close to Kaidan’s mouth to slip inside of it, to wet them before he moved them to his entrance, he slipped one in making himself moan harshly. In the couple of days that they hadn’t been with each other, he had also not had any time to play with himself and so his ass was a little tighter than it usually was and the finger stretched a little again. Not too much of course, Shepard’s impressive size would prevent him from being really tight for a long while.   
“So beautiful,” Nathan whined, his hands roaming over his own cock – unable to resist stroking it as he watched his lover slowly start moving his finger, before adding in the second. It wouldn’t be long now – it never took Kaidan that long to prepare himself if they wanted to get that bit over with quickly and Kaidan definitely wanted it over with quickly, wanting Shepard inside of him, wanting to feel his warmth inside of him, pushing him over the cliff into glorious climax. 

“Time…” Kaidan breathed, after a few moments of having a third finger in him, touching his prostate bringing him greater and greater pleasure. He had to slow himself – didn’t want to ruin it by finishing before it began – they didn’t have the time to bring him back to hardness if he did. Shepard moved immediately, lining himself up, the head just touching Kaidan’s stretched entrance. He pushed forward slightly, starting to get inside of him. Kaidan felt it stretching him even further. He could feel Shepard start to move within him, coming inside of his body.   
“Ah…tight,” Nathan gasped as he pushed in a little quicker, wanting to be in Kaidan as much as Kaidan wanted him to be in him.   
“Fuck,” Kaidan cursed as Shepard’s length hit his prostate. He was always good at getting it on the first thrust, and within a moment of that curse and jolt of pleasure he felt Shepard’s hips on him. He was in. He stopped there a moment, knowing that it would take a few seconds to get over the initial pain that Kaidan was feeling from his entry – pain that Kaidan ignored. It didn’t hurt that much and he could focus on the pleasure but he was glad that Nathan always waited that few seconds. 

A nod to Shepard was the signal that he could start moving, that he could start his thrusting, his cock slamming on Kaidan’s prostate. He leaned down to kiss Kaidan as he did so, just to muffle them. They couldn’t help the noises that the actions of the other extracted from them. As they kissed they could feel it, the moans passing between them, sharp intakes of breath for the few seconds they were parted. Shepard’s hips were colliding with the globes of Kaidan’s rear, and each time, he felt Kaidan inhale.   
“Harder,” Kaidan’s tone was begging, pleading with Nathan who did exactly what was asked of him, increasing the ferocity of those thrusts and the intensity of the pleasure that he was bringing to Kaidan. 

There was nothing like the movement of Shepard within him, Kaidan had experienced nothing quite like it. He felt so close to the man that so many viewed as a hero – they were one in these moments. Part of each other – with each thrust, he could feel the twitches in Shepard’s cock, the twitches of the veins as his heart beat faster. He could feel that pulse in Shepard’s mouth that rhythm of his life. They were joined, wholly – completely. Many viewed this man as a hero, but in these moments where they were thrusting against each other, trying to give each other the maximum pleasure – Kaidan saw the man that Nathan wanted to be. He had said that one time – in the moments they were together, Nathan could simply be Nathan. Not Commander Shepard, nothing like that. Just Nathan. Nathan and Kaidan.   
“Gonna…” Kaidan’s voice was failing him – the word coming out as more of a breath like he had completely lost his voice.  
“Me…too,” Shepard replied, his own voice mirroring the state of Kaidan’s. 

The moment of climax came from Shepard first, liquid heat spilling from the hardness moving within Kaidan – coating his insides and that warmth, that feeling and that soft cry of “Kaidan” moved him into his own – he felt it in his hips travelling along, running up the way and then out as he let out his own cry “Na-Nate” as he came, spilling onto his chest and onto Shepard’s as Shepard came down to kiss him more breathlessly as the climaxes faded into the moments of afterglow when nothing else mattered – when there was nothing but the two lovers on a bed thoroughly loved by the other and brought to the apex of their pleasure. He wished they had time – time to sleep next to each other, he didn’t particularly feel like moving, but he knew that they needed to…but it could wait a couple of moments. Just a few small seconds of peace before returning to that war outside and pressing on to Anderson’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Of course the smut ends up being the longest chapter thus far –snort-. I blame my masculine mind – filled with sex and such hahaha. We shall begin the push to Anderson’s in the next chapter but for the push I feel like switching view to one of the squad mates and I think I’ll let you guys pick which one – drop a line to say which one. I’ll hold off a week before writing it to give time to vote.


	4. Onwards to Anderson's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dual perspectived chapter exploring LIara's thoughts as she watches over the room Shepard and Kaidan are in and James' thoughts as they travel from the building they had sheltered in, back to Anderson's Camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since I only actually got two votes – one for EDI/James and one for Liara, I decided that I would just write it from two characters’ perspectives, switching over at a time. Liara will begin the chapter and then James will take over. M’sorry if my portrayal of Liara isn’t great, she was never my favourite character.

Liara hadn’t left the door to the room in which Shepard was resting for long; she had been assigned to monitor him. Even if Kaidan was in there with him and would keep him safe, she didn’t think it wise to leave them wholly alone. Kaidan and Shepard were not exactly the best of people to leave in each other’s company. They were too involved with each other and Shepard would be inclined to mask any symptoms in favour of spending alone time with Kaidan. Her Omni-Tool began buzzing a few minutes after Kaidan went in to see his beloved Commander. She glanced down at it and her eyes widened in seeing the results. Heightened blood pressure, faster heart rate, increased adrenaline; Shepard was performing some kind of physical activity. Well not just some kind of physical activity. She could hear the pants, the whines, the moans from the two lovers. She wasn’t shocked by that – no, what had shocked Liara was that Kaidan would let Shepard have sex with him here. There was a battle raging outside – although since the moving of the Citadel; she had noted that the battle had calmed a little. There was less focus on London now. 

The asari stayed by the door, feeling unsure of what she should do and feeling a little red heat enter her cheeks; it had been awhile since she had felt this flustered. She thought back to that time; she had last felt that way when she had come onto the Commander that was laying his boyfriend in the room next to her. She had misinterpreted his friendly concern as something more and she had suggested something – she had suggested emotional attachment to the man. Alright, Liara, enough of the fancy words to hide your real thoughts, you had what humans call a ‘crush’ on him, she chastised herself in her thoughts. Whilst it had been a long time since that awkward conversation where he had told her in no uncertain terms that he wasn’t attracted to her – or to any being that wasn’t male, she couldn’t deny that she still felt a lingering attraction to him. When she had shared her mind with him at Anderson’s Camp to cement their friendship for what she was sure would be the last hours of their lives, she had been tempted to share more than just her mind – she had been tempted for only a moment to use that moment of connection to initiate the asari mating process. It was so close to what they had shared that she was sure that no one but another asari would have noticed. Hearing the sounds coming from Shepard and Kaidan in the room next to her made her feel rather guilty about that moment of weakness. 

Nathan was very much in love with Kaidan; she could see…hear it in the way that he whispered the other’s name sometimes in between his moans of pleasure. If she had done what she had wanted; if she had been that selfish, she could have caused some real problems between the two of them and she knew that. It wasn’t common that an asari mated with someone without permission and because of that many amongst the other species were unaware that such a thing was possible since they so often referred to it as a joining of them. She had heard it described once as almost being like mental sex – it was an apt enough description since if it was possible to have sex with someone; it was thus possible to rape someone. Ardat-Yakshi committed the same act that she had thought of – the difference being that they were infertile and driven to such addictive violence by genes; she had come close to such thoughts without anything other than her own selfish thoughts. She was made doubly guilty by the way she felt for Feron. She was worried about him constantly, he ran through the back of her mind at the strangest times and every time she saw him, she could feel her heart beat a little faster. They had shared the most intimate of words on the call they had shared before the hit on the Cerberus base.   
She consoled herself with the fact that she hadn’t done it. It was just the thought of it that she had to feel guilt for; she had done nothing wrong. She was sure that Nathan had pointed out to her once that as long as it was only a thought and that she hadn’t actually done something that she didn’t have to feel guilty for it, although she had seen him do just that; be guilty for his thoughts. In a conversation with Garrus, he had expressed doubts about the Krogan; he had thought about not curing them, about accepting the Dalatrass’ offer. She remembered that he had told Wrex that thought and had all but begged for forgiveness. Wrex had done it easily, saying exactly what Nathan had told her – that he had not done it; in Wrex’s own way of course which if she recalled had been along the lines of him both understanding but still kind of wanting to feed him to the varren….or a thresher maw. She couldn’t remember which one. 

“Alright…Nate, get your armour on, we should probably get out there before someone comes looking for us,” She heard Kaidan say – she was a little surprised by the way that he simply spoke the other’s name; despite the fact that Commander Shepard often said to people to call him by his first name there was something about him that made you call him Commander or Shepard even if you were extremely close to him. She knew that even Garrus never considered calling him anything other than “Commander” or “Shepard” – although Shepard was deeply in love with the Major and the Major seemed deeply in love with him so she knew that that made a difference. People in deeply committed relationships often had a name for each other that no one else ever used. From conversations with her ‘father’ she learned that the name her mother used for her: ‘little wing’ had originated in that way. So Nathan Shepard, Commander of the Human Alliance, Spectre was Nate to his lover. 

She waited at the door a moment longer before slipping back further away; it wouldn’t do for them to know that she had heard what had happened. If she remained a little further back she could pretend that she hadn’t, even though she knew that even if she had been that bit back she would have heard them anyway; they were not particularly quiet about their sexual activities – Kaidan was particularly bad, but Liara could surmise from knowing Shepard that was probably his doing. Shepard liked to win at things. She guessed that making Kaidan moan in his pleasure made him feel like he was winning – especially given that Shepard made his own noise when Kaidan was doing things to him. What exactly they did wasn’t something she particularly knew. She had never really known what two males would get up to given that it wasn’t something that she could ever take part in and that someone like that would not be interested in her presumably. 

It took only a minute or two further for the two men to vacate the room – marine life had trained the two men to ready themselves very quickly; Liara still had issues with that sort of dress speed on the rare occasions that she wore proper armour; such as she was at that moment given the dangers of being on Earth. There were more here even than the moon they had rescued Primarch Victus from. They looked to her with a small nod.  
“We’re ready for the push,” Kaidan said, his tone held very level; Liara was surprised at how he managed not to betray what had just occurred between him and his lover from his voice, although she knew she shouldn’t have been. A conversation with Diana Allers had told her that Kaidan was capable of hiding pretty much anything from his face. She nodded in response and looked to Shepard to confirm that he was fine – he was walking perfectly capably and she could see the odd purple-blue wave run around his body indicating that he could summon up his barriers. That was good; she had had no idea if his biotics were wholly intact after that since she had no capability of checking his brain for injury. 

She was glad that they were intact; Shepard relied heavily on them when he fought as all Vanguards did and whilst he was an exceptional soldier even without them, she knew that he would pale in comparison to some of the true soldiers if his biotics were removed from his arsenal. Although it would have taken a combination of both experience and power, she knew, given that Shepard had managed to defeat James in hand to hand sparring anytime James had asked. A point of personal irritation on James’ part – it had sparked the determination in him to defeat his commanding officer eventually. Liara had been amused when he had told her that in one of their rare conversations; she didn’t’ speak to the man much. He spent most of his time down in the Armoury where she rarely ventured, although from the feeds that she had monitoring the ship to make sure no one knew what was in her room; she was aware that he spent much of his time simply watching over the shuttle pilot; Steve Cortez. 

Liara followed Shepard and Kaidan as they moved on from the corridor in front of the room in which they had kept Shepard during his period of unconsciousness towards the stairs that would lead them into the main room of the ground floor, where the rest of the team were holding any enemy forces that were trying to get in at bay. She could hear the odd shot being fired but it seemed quieter than when they had originally moved into the building, although she knew that much of the enemy force had left with the Reapers when they had shifted the Citadel Access. She looked to the stairs; no one was guarding the top. She wondered if that had meant that given the smaller number of enemies, they had pushed outwards a bit from simply holding the stairs to actually occupying the building. She couldn’t be sure; she hadn’t asked for any status updates as she had carefully watched over the Commander. 

The two men in front of her seemed quieter than they usually were; where usually they giggled and flirted with each other – as subtly as they were able, which wasn’t at all – they were now quiet and their hands were kept to themselves aside from the two that were holding. Liara looked at that, the knuckles of the two men were completely white; they were gripping onto each other tightly. Liara wondered if Shepard was unsteady or it was simply that they were feeling a little daunted at that challenge that was going to lie ahead of them. It was going to be difficult for them soon. The fleets could only keep surging through the relays for so long before they would have to get food and the likes and that presented risks of being caught by the Reapers, although she was unsure how pursued they actually were given the tasks that the Reapers were fulfilling – the harvesting of any planets they found with intelligent life capable of more than basic intrasystem space travel. She wondered what the purpose of that was. They were keeping some species alive, but would then return to slaughter them later. Why not simply destroy all life, all planets? She understood that they gained resources from these extinctions but they did nothing with that. They came and they slaughtered and gathered resources and then they simply left – returning to presumably a dormant state in dark space. There was nothing that they seemed to expend resources on aside from the destructive conquests which they used to gather resources. 

Liara calmed her thoughts; now was not the time to ponder the motives of their enemies. When they were defeated, then she could think on it and present theories in papers and books as she had done when researching the Protheans; although study of their culture wasn’t as appealing after her interactions with Javik. She had thought the Protheans wise and benevolent. She had thought of them as similar to the asari and she had thought that the Protheans would have liked her species, feeling that they followed similar ideologies. She had been wrong; the Protheans had been a brutal empire expanding by the enslaving of many cultures and believing that all were inferior. That Prothean man infuriated her as much as satisfied her by answering some of the questions that she had had. She imagined that this was an example of a human saying; “Be careful what you wish for, it might come true,”. She had thought it a silly saying when she had first heard it; why would someone not want the things that they wanted to come to pass. Now she understood; she understood that when things happened, they didn’t always come with the consequences that a person thought it would. 

\---

James Vega was at the front of the building that they were operating out of. He was wondering when Loco would finally wake up; he’d been down awhile and Doc had said there was nothing wrong with him so far as she could tell. Loco was loco down to his very nature, James had decided in that moment. He’d joked with the team that maybe it was all those sleepless nights catching up with him giving a look to Kaidan. He hadn’t quite pinned down a nickname for the Major, having not spent much time with him. Kaidan didn’t come to see James very often, although he and Esteban got along particularly well, and often Kaidan would come to gossip with the pilot. Thoughts of him brought worry to James’ mind. After Esteban’s shuttle had went down, he had been so worried about him. He had radioed that he had been alright – which James had been truly grateful for but they hadn’t really managed to communicate after that. He had radioed out a few times, checking that the other was safe. The last communication had been a bit shaky, the group that he had been found by and that were taking him back to Anderson’s Camp had been moving quickly; they had caught a nest and were outnumbered. Fortunately it had been mostly just regular human husks, so as long as they stayed ahead of the horde then they would be fine, but they hadn’t spoken for a bit after that – Esteban had asked for some time to get away and said he would radio when he had gotten back to the Camp. That had been ten minutes ago and every minute James grew more worried. 

The team guarding the door was quiet; they hadn’t been speaking much the entire time that they had been there, all of them too focused on making sure that they were fine. Scars and Sparks sat close to each other – they were the warmest of the group being that they were close to each other and were the only ones not worrying about their other half – the other exception being EDI; although she had also been quiet, preferring to monitor herself only peripherally, returning mostly to the ship after the forces had decreased in size and they weren’t constantly fighting to hold the building.   
“Hey, Kaidan’s been up there awhile, how long they taking?” James asked aloud, he had never really been able to keep his thoughts to himself, particularly when it was comments on the situation that they were in. Usually the squad didn’t mind when he asked these questions since it broke up the deathly silence that tended to envelop the group. 

The robot that had been mostly stationary near the stairs was the one that responded first, in her rather appealing voice.  
“My audio processors detected the sounds of Kaidan stuttering the word “Nate” in a manner that he only does when approaching orgasm, a few moments ago,” The AI said, causing James to laugh loudly, unable to stop himself from doing so, much to the chagrin of Buggy who looked upon James with derision; much as he always did. Buggy was not the happiest of people on Shepard’s team. That honour belonged to Sparks generally; she was usually quite happy, the exception being when she had just joined and the stuff with Rannoch, although she had been rather ecstatic when Loco had proven his craziness for yet another time and had managed to find a solution that satisfied both the Quarians and the Geth. The man had managed to solve a three hundred year old war. That was impressive. James was glad that he worked with that man. Even if that did mean that they had to hole up inside a building in London and fight for nearly six hours straight with no rest before it had calmed enough that a couple of them could take a couple hours of rest. 

EDI was right; it didn’t take too long for there to be the noise of people walking towards the stairs and start coming down. Looking at Loco, James didn’t see anything wrong with him; he was his usual self, looking contented with a grin and holding on to Kaidan’s hand tightly. It would be cute, if he found that sort of thing cute, which he didn’t, nor did he find Esteban cute. No, that was just when he had drank too much cerveza, two men together was not cute. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t cute. Women were cute. Women were what he was interested in. Women like Ice Queen- although, he wondered if he should consider changing that nickname after Sanctuary, when he had seen her cry. Ice Queens didn’t cry, but he mentally shrugged. It wasn’t like him to change someone’s nickname and it wouldn’t be the first time someone changed completely from the first time he met them. Loco had changed a lot. He had been angry and a little sad when they had first met. From what James had gathered, Kaidan wasn’t allowed to visit during that time since they were on the Normandy together to take down the Collectors and since Kaidan was human, it was possible that he was a true Cerberus agent, a notion which had made James laugh. Anyone who had met Kaidan knew that he would never break the rules, hell, he barely bent them. The only time that he did things that seemed off character were when Shepard asked him to. He really loved Shepard, that much was plain for James to see – which was good. He privately didn’t want to know what their chances would have been like if Shepard and Kaidan weren’t in love. The Commander wouldn’t have been the happy man that he was, and he had heard stories of what happened on missions if something had happened between the two of them. Fortunately, to his recollection it had only been once – the mission directly after Virmire. 

“Alright, everyone ready to make a push for Anderson’s?” The Commander asked, his tone firm and steady, much as it always was when he was ready to give orders, although given that this was a question of readiness, there was a little concern buried in there that only those that served with him a long time would recognise. James had been proud of himself when he had started to hear it and that confirmed to him that Shepard was dedicated to his officers more than anything else. If anyone was not ready, he knew that they wouldn’t be pushed until they were. Shepard was determined not to lose anyone and he would wait until they were at maximum strength before setting out, which James figured wouldn’t be long if at all. There was no one that was suffering really and the Commander himself was the only reason they hadn’t returned to Anderson’s yet.  
“We’re not the ones who faint when charging a Reaper all of a sudden,” Scars answered with his usual sarcastic “charm” as Sparks had put it once. That had been before they were all public. They had figured that after Shepard had caught them they didn’t stand a chance at keeping it secret since when Shepard had found them, EDI had seen. Apparently before that, they had asked EDI never to monitor them – which some of the other crew members had done.

Loco laughed as a response to Garrus’ comment on him, apparently satisfied that that was a consensus that they were ready to move from this place, getting onwards to Anderson’s Camp, a goal that James would be quite happy in fulfilling soon, he was getting hungry and they only kept so much food on them at any given time. That was military style. The building they had been occupying had helped a little, they had had food and they had only been there for about a day but still. It would be better to have more food than that – and hot food too. They had not heated any food, since the only way would have been fire and that would draw attention to their building and that needed to be avoided whilst they were tending an unconscious Loco since moving him would be slow and if heavy artillery like Harvesters or Ravagers came then they would be in real trouble – fighting would have switched into a high speed attack on that, making sure it was destroyed before anything else. It also would have meant fighting outside in open ground where they could be attacked from all sides at once. That would not have been good. 

“Alright, we push forward, sticking together, no one break off even if that means we have to go slower,” Shepard said firmly in his full Commander voice. This was an order that was above all else. Shepard would get everyone there or no one there – everyone, James knew. Shepard wouldn’t lose like this, he couldn’t. He would fight harder than anyone and they would get through to the Camp to the relative safety that it offered. Assuming that it hadn’t been packed up and moved without them – although Anderson knew what they had done. They had radioed across a few times. It occurred to him that Esteban still hadn’t radioed back but he couldn’t dwell on that at the moment, he needed to get through to the Camp. He could wait and worry there. The shuttle pilot would be equally worried if he never went there either, he would also be crushed if he died. According to Esteban himself, James beat out even Shepard for being there for him. After Shepard had pushed him to go to the memorial wall, James had taken up the slot for being Esteban’s shoulder to cry on – literally a few times as well. 

The team moved from the building in a practiced formation, which was rare for them – usually they sent in a small team. It was only on a few occasions that they fought with their full complement, although when they did, they were a very strong force – James believed they were even better than the original Normandy crew – although in fairness five of six of them were there and the crew of the second Normandy. James wondered what it would have been like if he were there, but again, he pushed the thoughts out; he needed to be entirely focused on the mission. Loose thoughts got you killed in combat situations. They weren’t far from Anderson’s Camp, it would only have been a few minutes of walking had they been in London before it had gotten attacked but now he wondered how long it would be. Anderson hadn’t known exactly what building they had holed up in and given that he had to start moving troops immediately he had left them to defend themselves since they hadn’t really needed extra support. 

They didn’t even reach the end of the street before the first shots were fired. A group of husks had stumbled upon them and they charged with their predictable slow runs. They were easily dispatched with a flurry of tech attacks, biotic surges and gunfire. He could see that Shepard was fully operational now since he watched the Commander use his Biotic Charge ability several times to decimate the enemy force, although given that he seemed to be being careful in this battle, James noted that he only charged close by enemies, unlike his usual strategies of moving to the most strategic enemy and eliminating them before using that strange ability where he fired off his shields to take out a few more. James wished he could do that, but he had been told that such a fighting style was rare even among the Vanguards. According to Kaidan he had started doing those moves more routinely after learning more about those abilities from Jack – the instructor at that biotic school. The move was effortless now on Loco’s part, he could simply slide across a battlefield almost like a horizontal version of that float-fall that he had seen some asari do. 

James felt almost unnecessary in that particular battle, with the biotics using their powers and the techies using theirs and the amount of long range fighters they had, James didn’t get much opportunity to use the shotgun that he had pulled out. He would have switched but given the amount of long range fighters and assault rifle users he had opted not to – just in case one got too close to one of the squad members. Not all of them were good with close combat – particularly hand to hand. Loco and Kaidan were the exception to the rule that James could beat everyone in the squad – and James maintained that Kaidan only won because he cheated. He used his smarts – and Kaidan was really smart. The man could lie about his intentions, even giving off really convincing signals in the tiny moves of his body. Curves was right – it was like he was trained to lie, which was odd considering that he was the most honest person that James had ever met. Kaidan didn’t keep secrets really – only the odd work-related thing. 

The husks were defeated in only a few minutes and they could proceed once again, each of the members surrounding Shepard. They knew he was fine from the battle but the team were unable to keep themselves from making sure that he was well defended, just in case he collapsed again – they were unsure of what had caused his first collapse so they were very unwilling to leave him undefended since it had occurred without warning and it could happen again. James didn’t think that it would, though. He had guessed that it had something to do with the beam thing that Harbinger had shot down upon them. It had hit really close to Loco after all; at first he had thought that that had been what had happened – that it had hit so close that it had damaged the Commander or sent a paralysing fear through him that had made him faint – which he imagined would happen to most people if a beam came that close to obliterating them. 

Looking forward after a few minutes of uninterrupted walking through the streets, James could see the massive improvised barrier that cordoned off Anderson’s Camp from Reaper ground forces – mostly. He remembered that when they had been there, the odd Husk or Cannibal had gotten through. The turian ones seemed not to have come with them though…that had confused James. He had asked Doc about it and her only explanation was that with the Battle at Palaven having escalated due to the Krogan presence, it was possible that they were diverting them to that battle and not bringing them to Earth, meaning that there were fewer of them and since they provided an advantage more when greater numbers were involved, it made reasonable sense for the Reapers to hold them back except for larger assaults.   
“Alright guys! Nearly there,” James said cheerfully to break the tense silence that had been sitting over the group as they travelled. The others looked to him for a moment with a look that could only be described as the look people gave to FNGs when they did something that reminded them of their newness. 

They pressed on just a little faster, the anticipation of food and sleep pressing them on better than any thought that a huge Reaper force could appear behind them at any moment. As they drew close to the barrier, they knew to take the building on the left – that would lead up to a door that would allow them entry into the Camp without forcing the troops inside to open the barricade, which would expose them for a few minutes to any Reaper forces in the nearby area – particularly Banshees since they could appear out of nowhere. James shuddered at the thought of the Reaper-fied asari. They were the worst of the Reaper creatures – mutated and twisted versions of those ageless and graceful women. He thought that after seeing what dark twisted creatures could be created from those peaceful blue women he was forever put off them. Even the husks of his own kind weren’t as monstrous somehow. 

The building was deceptively quiet on the ground floor – Anderson’s troops wouldn’t occupy that building aside from the area around the door so that they wouldn’t draw attention to themselves and attract any attacking forces away from the main barricade and through that building – they could only hold it against so many and if the Reaper forces got in, in great number it would be like defending a cage from the inside – completely useless. Any aerial strikes would be bad as it was, James knew, but at least the Harvesters could only carry so many troops at once and usually it was husks they dropped and the husks were easily defeated by anyone with a gun. 

As they passed through the door on the second floor being greeted by a few tired looking Alliance troops, James Vega’s thoughts drifted to Steve Cortez, who still hadn’t radioed that he was safe. 

\---

Pinned down. Damn it. He felt like Robert and he knew that his husband wouldn’t want him dying in this way. The squad he was with had been reduced in number by about half and they weren’t really able to move at all – no retreat and no flanking. They had been cornered into this street and if they couldn’t find a way out they were going to die.   
“Fucking Reapers,” Steve Cortez cursed as he fired the assault rifle that he had taken from one of the marines as they fell – a guy named Lieutenant Kreiger, who had taken a bullet from a Cannibal saving Steve from a husk that had gotten hold of him. Steve hoped that that sacrifice wouldn’t be in vain and that he would get back to Anderson’s Camp – back to James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this is late. Muse failed me and then I went back to school and that took up time. It would have been posted earlier but I was writing and could barely keep my eyes open and had to stop before I finished the chapter. 
> 
> A/N/2: Couldn’t help the Cortez bit at the end there. The question becomes then do I make the little mission I plan on having James go on to rescue him part of this fic, or do I leave it for now and then make it a side-fic? Advice guys?


	5. Planning a Rescue Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Shepard reunites with Anderson for the first time after the Dream and James decides to take action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I’m really sorry about how slow I’ve been – not posting in a month, but it’s because I went back to school and I’d to adjust to my new workload. I know saying I do four Advanced Highers won’t mean anything to anyone not from Scotland, but –shrugs- it’s a hefty workload. Back to Shepard in this instalment’s PoV.

Anderson’s Camp was definitely quieter than it had been the last time that they had been there. Although, Nate figured that that was to be expected – the last time they had been there, the assault was just beginning – they had been prepping for it and they had all been there. He hated to think how many they had lost in the charge – because he had just been taken out of commission. How had Harbinger done that so easily? Why hadn’t he done it before? There were questions that needed answered. He had surmised that the answer to the latter was because they had never been in that kind of close proximity to the eldest Reaper before…or he assumed it was the eldest Reaper. There had been some sort of news report before they had left the Citadel the last time that had been from the Council to the Spectres writing their usual report on how much they knew of the Reapers from the scientific community. How they had worked it out was beyond Shepard’s estimation, but they had claimed that Harbinger was as far as they could tell, the oldest Reaper of the lot of them. Nathan wasn’t sure what to expect, in terms of who would still be around. Would he still be there? Had his dream been telling him something from the outside when Anderson had died? What was the truth?  
Nathan looked at Kaidan, taking the moments of peace now that they were away from the open streets to clasp his lover’s hand tightly, as tightly as he had before, when they had been walking down the stairs, because he needed the comfort. Clutching Kaidan’s hands, things felt real – unshakeable. The Reapers would kill Kaidan if they had the chance. He knew that. Nathan’s relationship with Kaidan was something that they were aware of. It hadn’t ever been a secret. There had been headlines when it had happened. ‘Humanity’s Hero in Love’ was one of the headlines that he could remember from the period when they had stopped denying it. Shepard had been politely asked by Alliance Command at the time to give an interview. Emily Wong had been the one he had went to, because one did not simply refuse a request from Alliance Command. A polite request would simply become a formal order if he did not comply with their wishes. If they had to resort to an order, they would also usually attach an assignment that was considered ‘punishment’ and those were very distinctly unpleasant. Dealing with the aftermath of terrorist attacks on cities that had damaged orphanages was a common one, as was the retrieval of crews from destroyed ships - That made everyone on-board nearly vomit.  
“Everything okay, Shepard?” Kaidan asked, resorting to his more formalised tone that he used when talking to Nate whenever they weren’t alone. Kaidan had told him once that he didn’t like talking about Shepard in a more familiar manner than everyone else when they were in mission situations because he needed “to think of Shepard as his Commander and not his boyfriend” so that he wasn’t tempted to take more risks than usual to make sure that Shepard was never in any danger. That would lead to his own death, which Shepard had ordered him at one point to never reach before Shepard. Although, technically, Nate figured that order was complete. Nate had died. That he wasn’t dead anymore was just a technicality. He had died.  
“…is Anderson alright?” Nate asked, “In the dream…” His voice crackled with an uncertainty he had tried and failed to conceal. He viewed the Admiral almost like his own father. In the years they had known each other, they had gotten very close. Only the members of his original team were any closer – and they were as close as people got to Nate. He kept them out – especially now, he didn’t want many people to miss him if he died again. They had to focus on keeping themselves alive. He might have pushed Kaidan away but he knew that he couldn’t. He was too weak when it came to Kaidan. They were too weak for each other. 

“He’s fine, Nate, don’t worry,” Kaidan answered – the lack of formality surprising him. Kaidan knew him inside out so it probably shouldn’t have been. He had heard the uncertainty and he doing what he did best; giving Nate the exact thing he needed and at that moment it had been his boyfriend telling him that everything was alright and that there was nothing to worry about. Kaidan had given him exactly that.  
“Thanks, Kaidan,” He answered, squeezing his hand in approval. Kaidan wouldn’t have liked it if he had given him some stronger display of affection. He didn’t really like public displays of affection, beyond the hand holding. And occasional, this might be it so screw it, kisses in the streets of London - At that pillar over there, just out of the corner of Nathan’s eye, he remembered specifically.  
He wondered if Kaidan noticed the smirk that came across his face as he had looked at that pillar because when he looked back at his love, he could see a blush of red tinting his usual calm and composed face. Nate counted it as another victory – the Vanguard had broken the sensible, calm exterior that was common to fully trained Sentinels who were stoic defenders of their friends and allies, or at least, that was how the common class description in the info-packets described them in the recruitment data-flyers. Nate’s particular brand of soldier, the Vanguard was described as a “living weapon”. A biotic dedicated to the maximisation of power and fury. Using biotic flurries to charge through enemies, cutting a path for their allies – Shepard was hailed as the example, able to tear apart an enemy by launching himself over forty or fifty meters at his absolute maximum – if he had a clean line of sight, but Shepard was a rarity. He was powerful; he had learned that from Kaidan. Very few past the L2s had ever gotten as powerful as their weakest members. Nathan Shepard was more powerful than Kaidan Alenko – one of their very best.  
“Hey Kaidan,” Nate said, allowing a little more positive emotion to come into his voice. Even in these hellish streets. He would allow himself to be happy when things made him think of his Major. Especially after the dream, Kaidan had been dead in the dream. He had thought that he would never have gotten to touch the other again, never kiss him, feel him, be inside of him, have Kaidan inside of him. He would allow himself moments like this.  
“Yeah?” The other asked - a note of caution hidden in his inflection but Shepard knew him well enough to pick it up.  
“Remember last time we were at that pillar?” Nathan asked chuckling softly. He didn’t want the others to hear. They had been quiet at that pillar last time when they had said their goodbyes to each other. They had quietly spoken, kissed, and exchanged dog tags. A stupid thing to do, according to military regulations but there were many who did that – they didn’t have the time or the officers with which to marry so people down in London were just keeping each other’s dog tags to symbolise that they were with the other person. With them despite all this hell and this torment and that they would remain with them until the bitter end which in this place could be at any moment.  
“You still have mine,” Kaidan answered, “I still have yours.” That answer made Nate smirk – if they had been anywhere else in the universe or it had been before the war, Nathan Shepard would have grinned like a schoolboy and he would probably have planted one on the other, or excused them for a private debriefing for mission strategy. As they walked, Shepard could feel the truth of Kaidan’s answer as well, he could hear the chink of dog tags on his armour as they moved with him. He knew as well that if he looked down upon them they would say ‘Major Kaidan Alenko, SSV Normandy’ instead of ‘Cmdr. Nathan Shepard, SSV Normandy’ because those dog tags were sitting around Kaidan’s neck.  
“Indeed you do,” Nathan answered.  
“Where is the Admiral anyway?” A voice from behind them – Garrus said, his voice amused – he was wondering if the two men had just sorted of wandered off into their own little world, Nathan imagined. He wouldn’t have been wrong. Shepard had forgotten what he wanted from other people when he spoke with Kaidan. After this war, Shepard mentally decided, he’s becoming Kaidan Shepard or I’m becoming Nathan Alenko. Frankly, I don’t care which way, but we’re formalising this.  
“I’m not actually sure, I was figuring that I would just wander about until I found him,” Shepard said with embarrassment. He was lying of course, he hadn’t really been thinking about finding Anderson for a few moments at all, but he would rather that Garrus think him a little bit stupid than think of him as a romantic fool – because if Garrus thought that then there would be more teasing than he figured he could handle, Garrus was good like that. Nathan wouldn’t give him any ammunition for free.  
“Mmhmm,” Garrus replied, not believing a word of it, Shepard knew. Garrus knew him extremely well, knew when he was lying; especially when he was trying to save face.  
“He’s over there,” Liara put in from behind, near Garrus. Shepard looked behind towards her. She was pointing over in the direction of a slightly less ruined building. There was evidence of some field repair; a command centre. Nathan redirected towards it, needing to see Anderson now. He wanted to remind himself that the other was still alive; that the death that he had watched had just been a dream.  
It took not a moment to reach the temporary command centre, Nathan had let go of Kaidan’s hand, figuring that he should at least pretend to stick to protocol when meeting with the Admiral, even though it really didn’t matter. He entered through into the building, wondering what it would have been like before this dreaded war. He wondered what kind of people would come in and out of this building on a daily basis – just how many families were connected to it. One? Tens? Hundreds?  
“Anderson…” He almost sighed in relief as he saw the other man standing at a sort of makeshift desk. He was looking over what Nathan guessed to be reports of situations in the battle and presumably from the fleet as it coursed through the relays.  
“Shepard?” Anderson looked up, looking directly at the Commander, his eyes widening. Had he expected not to see Nathan? He was under the impression that the others had been aware of what Shepard’s team had been up to and that was why they had not returned. Perhaps it was simply that he did not expect to see him so early. He hadn’t been out that long and anything major would likely have taken him a longer time to be up and mobile again so easily.  
“What’s our situation, sir?” James stepped forward asking, sounding more concerned than usual.  
Nathan studied the other man’s face. There was a worry there that seemed unusually strong. Was someone very close to James out in the field? Nathan ran through a quick mental checklist of everyone he knew to be close to Lieutenant Vega. He hadn’t really mentioned anyone on Earth – aside from the members of the Normandy crew, and they were all here, or on the Normandy weren’t they? Steve Cortez was the only person that he could think of that might not have been on the Normandy, but wasn’t with them since he wasn’t present in Shepard’s final squad. His shuttle had crashed; he had narrowly survived as Nathan remembered. That part had been real and there had been a frantic couple of seconds that he had really thought that his shuttle pilot might have been killed – much like his favourite news woman had been.  
“…The scouting party we sent out has reported that they ran into trouble. They’re pinned down a mile south of here,” Anderson said, his tone inferring a certain sympathy, “I’m sorry but I can’t send anyone after them. I don’t have the manpower.”  
Nathan knew immediately that that was the wrong answer. James Vega wasn’t going to let someone keep him from going after the person that he was talking about.  
“I’m going,” James said simply – almost coldly, which was rare for him. His arguments were like fire – full of passion, warm rage. They were emotionally charged and like a battering ram of powerful force that made you crumble up and surrender to his argument’s overwhelming force, like a Turian force. That was their tactic as the Primarch had spoken it.  
“I’ll…” Nathan began.  
“No.” James countered, interrupting his leader. “I need to go after him.”  
“Take…someone, at least,” Nathan answered, knowing that sometimes being a leader meant that one had to surrender to the needs of his subordinates. James needed to do this on his own, needed not to be under the wing of Commander Shepard during this personal mission and the man, Nathan Shepard, knew that.  
“I will go,” EDI’s robotic voice sounded from a distance away, she had decided to occupy the rear of the party. Few people wished to see a walking AI during this time. Nathan couldn’t blame them and neither could EDI so she chose to keep her profile low. Speaking little and keeping back. This mission would be good. Keeping her around the Camp would likely draw attention to her that wouldn’t be well received. “I do not tire.”  
“I shall go also,” Javik spoke, surprising Nathan. Javik wasn’t the type to volunteer to help other members of the crew, particularly James. As far as Nathan had been able to determine, the Prothean loathed him…well, more so than the other members of the crew, “I’d rather be killing Reapers than moving troops, which is the presumptive result of remaining here.” No emotion beyond the cool anger that seeped into Javik’s every word. Hearing the Prothean speak on this battlefield, Shepard could understand why he was Vengeance and not simply fury. His rage was strong, that was true, but Javik’s rage was not fiery, was not the pure rage of anger or hate. His rage was cold, more frigid than anyone. Miranda’s bad days weren’t as cold as Javik’s rage - such an old hatred that there was no fire left at all, just the desire to destroy everything remained. Javik was a hollow being, a broken soul.  
“It’s settled then…go save them,” Anderson spoke, his voice acceptant of the mission that James wished to undertake. His tone though did carry underneath it, the sound that he knew that James was going anyway as were the other two. The crew of the Normandy being not technically under anyone’s command but Commander Nathan Shepard’s and since he was a Spectre. He only answered to the Council and they weren’t here. They weren’t on Earth as far as he knew. He actually didn’t know where they were - if they had made it off the Citadel, if they were still there or if they were dead. He didn’t really care either.  
“Just hold on Esteban, I’m coming for you,” Nathan heard James whisper to himself as he turned from the room in which they were in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Not the best of chapters, I know, but I needed to get through this. I think I might include it as part of the fic. I’m not really sure what else would be done in the intervening time that would take up full chapters. Although I suppose I could focus on characters, and show what’s going on elsewhere with some of the other characters. Maybe flashes of all of that. I’ll see where my muse takes me.


	6. Left to Your Own Devices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three moments after James decides to go on a Rescue mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author Note: Oh good god, I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I know that I procrastinate like a bitch but I sort of just genuinely forgot to think about it – I installed a second OS on my computer and hadn't really been thinking about my writing projects because everything else was sitting around in my external hard drive and whatever...not that I actually write these chapters ahead of time. That I'm sorry for as well. 
> 
> Note on the Following Chapters: The approach I'm going to take is to switch between various things that are going on for the next couple of chapters whilst James is off saving Steve, and Anderson's mobilising troops.

_**Moment One: Collecting on a Promise** _

 

Nathan had been more than a little surprised at the determination that was emanating from James in regards to Steve. He knew the two were close friends, and from what he could glean from overheard conversation could be a little more than that although he wasn't sure how much more since it seemed that things had happened when James was drunk but not so much when he was sober. He could recall Steve saying something about it being 'not just the Cerveza talking'. Nathan hoped that Steve wasn't letting James pussyfoot around anything if he was interested, Nathan hadn't been interested in Steve obviously, but as he had helped the man recover from the loss of his husband, Nathan had seen a man that anyone would be lucky to have. Well...anyone that didn't have a rather lovely biotic male with an impressive sense of integrity and a body to die for. Speaking of, now that the troops were being moved by Anderson, and since Nathan himself didn't plan to leave until after James came back that left him in an odd position. In the middle of this gigantic final battle to save everything in the galaxy, he was going to have nothing to do but wait again. A second calm before a second storm. They could be considered in the eye. Waiting for the other half to devastate them again before the end – an end, once and for all. Glasgow was going to be the decider battle. 

 

Nathan leaned towards Kaidan, the other male instantly shifting his weight to allow the Vanguard to lean without it being totally obvious. A quick glance showed a little worry on the major's face. He was wondering if the lean was because Nate was still a bit affected by whatever Harbinger had done to him. He was fine, as far as he could tell, but whatever Harbinger had done had impacted his confidence on the inside. What if when they fought again, Harbinger could knock him down again, what if he was unable to do anything but sit and fight and die without a chance of defeating the Reapers, what if Harbinger had made it so that all of this, all of the last three years, fighting and dying had been for nothing? But such thoughts had to be ejected from his mind and Nate used the same strategy that he used every time such a thought entered his mind, he let his mind focus on the purpose of his mission – the reason that he fought, the motive behind the man. His motivation was standing beside him, his hand allowing itself to subtly intertwine itself with the Commander's own. Kaidan Alenko. 

“Anything else that you need us for, Anderson?” Shepard asked, remembering that no one had actually left the Admiral, a silence and lack of movement seemed to have settled since the three team members had left to rescue Steve. 

 

The elder man considered for a moment, probably reviewing a gigantic list of tasks that would need to be done in the mobilisation, matching the team against tasks that weren't already being fulfilled. 

“For the moment, no. My people have everything ready, it's just a matter of time, waiting for everything actually going. You have some time to yourselves...or as much as anyone is getting in this place. Assuming nothing drops into the camp, there isn't a task that you need to fulfil yourselves with. Get some sleep if you need it,” the Admiral answered. Nathan smirked. That meant that it was a good time to get a promise fulfilled. Once they left of course, no need to alert everyone to his intentions. Although he imagined that they were probably thinking about similar things; the people that they'd like to spend this last amount of time with. For the second time. It was almost funny, everything that they'd said to each other before. They had made their peace with everything and here they were, having the time to do it all again. It would be hours before they moved, assuming that everything went well with the rescue. Hopefully James wouldn't get pinned down at all and there would be no delay in their return to the group. 

“Alright, everyone, give the Admiral some peace,” Nate said, his tone taking on the special tone used for his orders as a commander as opposed to the myriad of tones used when speaking to this group of people as his friends, as the family that he viewed them as. 

 

The group began filing out of the room, leaving the Admiral to return to the essential tasks. Nathan didn't envy him that, it was strangely satisfying to actually be down in the front lines under someone's command again. That meant that he wasn't the one looking at lists, going over numbers that were pointless. He had come down here with stats and info that seemed to be just arbitrary. “Galactic Readiness”, “Effective Military Strength”, Traynor and EDI had meant well but they had just been numbers. Numbers that were meant to make him feel better about the Resources and Assets that he had gathered in preparation for this assault against the Reapers but the plan that they had been designed around was FUBAR now and so the numbers had proven to be just that. Nathan focused on Kaidan again, leaving the room thinking about the imminent future. 

 

“Hey, Major,” He said, sounding just a little formal, which was their general state of being when out in public. It was a learned behaviour, something that had come from trying to keep their relationship on the down low. At first out of necessity, Alliance Command would have taken Kaidan from him, if it had come out too early, then out of a desire for privacy in terms of the press. Kaidan shouldn't have to suffer the same media treatment that Shepard himself got just for being in love with the man and then now, now it was just a force of habit.

 

“Commander?” Kaidan asked, with that voice of his. Nathan could melt into that voice and never re-solidify. That was a voice that made him feel safe, that made him feel loved and happy. A voice that would keep him from succumbing to the doubts that were threatening to overcome his rational mind on a daily basis. He was the sole thing that made sure that the Burning Boy in the Dead Forest could never break him, he was the thing that kept the voices of the fallen from summoning Shepard into an early reunion with them. He would see the fallen again, but Kaidan would make sure that Nathan wouldn't see them until he had died peacefully in his bed after many years of having Kaidan love him and be with him and Nathan would fight like hell to make sure that Kaidan would be right there alongside him. After thinking that he had been dead, after thinking that for even a minute, Nathan knew that when they got to Glasgow, he was going to make sure that they were so close together that if one of them went, the other was coming too. They shouldn't have to bear the pain of being alone. 

 

“Don't you have a promise to keep?” Nathan asked, smirk dancing across his lips. The smirk that Kaidan had once said was a mixture of trouble, sex appeal, and love mixed all together. A smirk that Nathan could honestly swear on anything that he held dear was a smirk unique to his relationship with Kaidan. A smirk that no one else got directed at them. Kaidan looked at him with a look that suggested mild exasperation. 

“But we had sex in the room...before,” Kaidan said thinking for a moment before his expression changed. A decision had been made, Nathan was hopeful, “Although I guess, if this is the absolute last chance. I wouldn't want to spend it any other way than in your arms...” 

“Mmm, lovely. There's a pillar over there...” Nate teased. 

“Not at a pillar,” Kaidan replied, “Not again.” 

 

_**Moment 2: Sparking a Restoration** _

 

She wasn't often this solemn – especially after her excitement at the restoration of peace between her kind and the Geth, but in this place, in this hell as Anderson had rightly named it had sparked a great deal of solemnity within Tali'Zorah Vas Normandy. She felt, she felt in a way that this is what her ancestors had faced. A machine race with powers that were great enough to force her kind from her planet for over 300 years but this time, in this world, everything was so much worse. If they fell here, their species wouldn't simply be driven from their planet for three hundred years, they would be slaughtered to a man, placed into extinction to be forgotten before the next cycle's species rose to power and came able to be reaped themselves. Such a thought was enough to dampen anyone's spirits in her view, although usually she was able to counter it with thoughts of the brave and noble Commander Shepard, of the integrity of Major Alenko, of the love and the warmth she got from Garrus. Something, anything would usually serve to banish any thought of uncertainty from her mind but here, here in London, everything was different. Shepard and Alenko – she wasn't sure if they knew but in some ways the obvious love they shared served to make the situation more tragic. She and Garrus had discussed it, when they looked at each other since they had arrived to London, each time, in a small moment when their eyes locked together, there was an unuttered goodbye shared between them. They were preparing to die in this battle, and if they died. If Commander Shepard couldn't rescue them without dying, then what hope was there for a Quarian girl, light years from home. 

 

_You're an Admiral Tali,_ she chastised herself, _Start acting like one. Garrus. Go to him. You have some time._ She liked that thought. There was some more time where she could be with the man she loved. Huh, such a thought was strange to her. She had harboured such feelings before, before she had realised. Before she had realised that Commander Nathan Shepard was a man that was only interested in men and in one specific man; although if you asked Garrus, he would attest otherwise. She wasn't really sure why. That strange relationship between the two best friends was beyond her. There was a rivalry inside the friendship but also the closeness of teacher and student and the fraternity of brothers-in-arms, but such things, such terms diminished the strength of their bond. She smiled at the thought – it was a pleasant thought, that human and turian would be so close. There was always hope. She rose from the seating position she had adopted on the ground outside, she had been looking upwards at the sky as she had been pondering her thoughts. The Earth sky was beautiful at night, and she could understand why the humans – even the ones who had never been on the planet were fighting for it. She could feel it in her heart, resonating with the thoughts of how she fought for Rannoch. Even though she had argued for peace, in doing so she was fighting for Rannoch. 

 

She just wished such a resolution would have been as simple here and throughout the galaxy, but the Quarian woman wasn't so young anymore. She wasn't as naïve anymore...or maybe it was Garrus rubbing his cynicism off on her. She glanced over at him, he wasn't far off – cleaning his rifle, or calibrating something on it. Keelah, he loved his calibrations. 

“Garrus, I think I might need some calibration,” She said, surprising herself at her choice of phrase and her tone – light with a little touch of sarcastic mocking, a very Garrus like tone to use. He was definitely rubbing off on her. The turian chuckled. 

 

_**Moment Three: Pinned Down but Holding On.** _

 

Steve Cortez was holding his ground in the shit hole that he was currently trapped in. The few of them that were left had managed to work their way into a little building that they could defend more easily from the seemingly endless row of ground troops that were coming after them. At least for the moment it was only husks and the occasional Cannibal. If a Banshee came along, they were fucked and the pilot knew it. Lieutenant Kreiger had been the only soldier amongst them that was really capable at dealing with such a creature, and he had taken a bullet for Steve, had died for Steve. The pilot wondered if it was worth it. He had been a capable man – with a brother serving up near Glasgow already whereas Steve was just a shuttle pilot without a shuttle. Whislt he had the Alliance soldier training, he wasn't as good at it. Had barely made it through and the Alliance had known that – it was listed in his personnel file that he was a hell of a pilot but that he was a shit soldier; well it was in different wording than that but that was pretty much the gist of the thing. The men here needed a soldier, not a pilot. 

“I wish James was here,” He muttered to himself, safe in the knowledge that the sound of rifles firing at the enemy, and the sounds of the devastation of the more combat filled parts of London would drown out the sound of his voice before anyone else could hear it. Although if it were up to him, it wouldn't really matter. It was James who wanted things kept quiet whilst they figured out what was going on between them – or how serious it was.

 

Steve was pretty certain he'd like it to be as serious as the Commander and the Major; that was the relationship he wanted with his Mr. Vega. He wanted a man that would be with him no matter what, that would be able to convince him to turn on the Alliance and join Cerberus even for a short time when he had no intentions of abandoning his post. He wanted a relationship that was filled with so much love, he would struggle to understand how he wasn't simply bursting apart from trying to contain it all. He wanted the soft glow that seemed ever present on the two other men's skin – although if he dwelled on that thought, it was probably their biotics; since according to Shepard, they were tuned to each others so that they could work in tandem more easily...or something. Biotics weren't his speciality. He just flew the shuttles and could play them like a virtuoso playing a violin. 

“They're falling back a little,” One of the other soldiers – a woman, Gunnery Chief Sharda said through to Steve, her voice was filled with her lack of energy. The soldiers had been fighting for a long time, she likely hadn't had any sleep for a long time. He wasn't sure how long they had been in London, because of the smoke, night and day were very hard to distinguish. 

“Enough to send one of us as a runner?” Steve asked. That was one of the things that he could do for the team. He was a pretty fast runner and since communications were out it would be the only way that they could get a message back to Anderson's Camp, and the easiest way that he could get back in touch with James. Hopefully, Shepard and the rest of the crew will have returned to the Camp – James' last message had indicated that that was what they were doing but the comms had gone just after that. 

 

“Sure, if Anderson's Camp was south of here. Damn things still got us cut off,” Sharda answered, her tone deeply sarcastic and then a little frustrated. She was weary and Steve could tell that she was ready for a break from this. No one could keep this up for a very long time without getting like this. If it went on too long, they ended up how Shepard was – tired, irritable, walled off, hiding behind a veneer and with only one man keeping him from descending into insanity. Steve had wondered in horror before what it would have been like if Shepard hadn't had Kaidan to give him 'sanity checks' as he had heard the Major off-handedly refer to one of their dates before.   


“So do we retreat away from the Camp and look for another way? Or do we stay here?” Steve asked, desperate for some sort of decision. He hoped that it was the former. He needed to move, get away from this street. Lieutenant Kreiger and some of the others -they lay not far from them. The soldiers could see the bodies sometimes when they were looking in the right direction. They lay broken and twisted. 

“We're staying put,” Sharda responded. 

“Yes ma'am,” Steve answered, there was no other option. Sharda didn't look comfortable with that sentence. He doubted that many people had ever called her 'ma'am' before. She had mentioned that she had been serving under the now deceased lieutenant for nearly all of her career. She was used to being ordered around by someone more experienced, and here she was, in a battle that could kill veterans as easily as recruits.   


 

Sharda left after that moment, moving back towards the front. 

“Hurry Mr. Vega,” He allowed himself to whisper. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my next chapter will be the rescue mission, and then before I do the move, I think I'll have another chapter of moments. If you like, you can request some moments. 
> 
> Actually, even beyond that, if you want specific moments or prompting, you can ask. You can also ask for Dragon Age moments if you like.


End file.
